i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
