Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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