Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can I color on your dick again?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
