4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
