i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
