textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
