I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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