a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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