He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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