there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
