You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
