Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
