Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
