i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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