Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
