I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
