he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
