I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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