so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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