tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
