im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
