Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
