So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
