remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
