you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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