census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
