Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
