Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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