I got chris browned last night
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
