I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
