I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
