He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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