I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
