if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
