I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
