I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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