I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
