this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
