Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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