I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
