Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
