how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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