Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
