dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
