I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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