Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
