Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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