Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
