my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
