She is in my trunk
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
