I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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