I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
