Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
