I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
