Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
